"2005 Year-Long Horoscope"
by John Cheese
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November 22 - December 21


The Sagittarius love things that are fun, and generally dislike things that are not enjoyable. Most members of this sign enjoy particular types of food, frequently ordering meals that include these "favorites." Noticeable physical traits include colored eyes and male and/or female genitalia, which can be used for urination, sex, or sometimes both.

Most, if not all, Sagittarians have a stance on religion, either believing in a higher deity or no deity at all. They have also been known to seek out romantic companionships in the form of sex and/or love. When confronted with the question, "What is your favorite type of music," they will normally show their broad appreciation of the arts by boasting that they "like all kinds of music. Except like, you know, opera and stuff like that."

Your Future!


Prepare for a good year, but be careful in case anything bad happens. In August, you'll be making at least two purchases that cost more than five dollars. Sometime around November or December, for a brief time, you will become cold. But don't worry. Simply putting on a jacket or turning up the heat will take care of that in a jiffy! Don't like being wet? I'd keep a towel handy if I were you because sometime soon, you will be needing to dry off. According to the path and position of Venus throughout the month of July, it is likely that this towel will be needed in the bathroom. Before this time tomorrow, you will become hungry.


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