Sometimes, people say things they don't mean. Your mommy might have told you that these are called "lies". Well, actually, it's more complicated. I'm going to need you to put on your thinking caps here. When you say something you don't mean and you want people to believe you, it's called a "lie". But sometimes you say something you don't mean, and you make sure everybody knows you don't mean it. This is called "sarcasm". Sometimes you'll see a French guy on a gameshow answering that the sun revolves around the earth. If you say, "Wow, he is so smart," that is sarcasm!

"But wait a minute," you might be thinking. "He isn't smart. He actually got the wrong answer. Did you make a typo?"

No, I didn't! I know it looks tricky but here's how it works:

Step 1: You notice a man being not-smart.
Step 2: You want to say that he is not smart. But wait!
Step 3: Turn it around and make it the opposite thing. Say he IS smart!

You see how that works? You might want to repeat those steps a few times until you feel confident. But once you've got it down, you can start using it, and when all of your friends are saying, "That guy is not smart," you'll be one step up on them, saying, "That guy is so smart." You will blow them away with your wit.

Okay, ready for a little test? A friend of yours is working on the Hillary Clinton campaign, is always wearing a T-shirt that says, "No Blood For Oil" or "Stop The War," and tries to insert, "But our government, they're the real terrorists," into every conversation. One day someone asks him what he thinks about George Bush and he rolls his eyes and says, "Oh, he's a great president."

Do you respond:

A. "I am confused. You are always saying negative things about him. Have you changed your mind?"
B. "Yeah, he's not doing so good."
C. "Is that supposed to be a joke? Because it's not accurate at all. He's not a very good president at all, never mind great. I could name at least 10 better presidents. I don't even know why you'd say a dumb thing like that, you waste of breath. I wish I could get back the five seconds I spent listening to you say that."

Yeah, it's tricky. I know C looks really good, but surprise! It's actually B. I know it's totally counterintuitive but keep working on it.

Now that we learned a little bit about sarcasm, let's think about jokes. How do you tell when someone is making a joke? Usually it's easy to tell, because the person that forwarded it to you will say, "lol this is hilarius" right before the link, or the title of the video will be "A Funny Video". But what if the words "funny" or "joke" or "lol" are nowhere in the title or description? Can it still be a joke?

Well, you might have heard a lot of people say that you can tell from the "context" or "tone" of something whether it's supposed to be funny or not. What is that stuff? It's like some kind of vague magical mumbo jumbo that kind of floats around and only people with special powers can detect it. Nobody would expect you, the ordinary Digg or YouTube commenter, to be able to pick up on that. No, you are going to need a solid scientific step-by-step method to objectively verify that this is a joke. When you are unsure whether something is a joke, try these questions:

1. Who is telling it?
If the source is someone or something that normally tells jokes, like a comedy site or a clown, then it is likely to be a joke. Add one point.
If the source is someone or something that never says anything funny, like CNN.com or Carlos Mencia, then it is probably not a joke.

2. Are any of the following mentioned: genitalia, butts, farts, human waste, midgets, cats, Kevin Federline, the difference between whites/blacks or men/women? Add one point for each.

3. Is Yakety Sax playing in the background? Add one point.

4. Is there a photoshopped picture of a celebrity's head on an inappropriate body (examples: donkeys, fat ladies, helicopters)? Add one point.

5. Does it contain sarcasm (see above section)? Add one point.

Now, add up all your points. I know that even if you're really good at math, numbers higher than 3 can be tricky, so a good rule of thumb is if you have more points than you can count, it is probably a joke.

If you're feeling comfortable, we'll move on to another concept that is very difficult to master. If something is a joke, it is not serious. I'll give you a minute to let that sink in. For example, let's say someone makes a joke about how Irish orphans should be used for food. Since it was a joke, it means they do not actually think that Irish orphans should be used for food. Okay! Ready for another test?

Can you see what is wrong with this response to that joke?

"Are you joking? Because it's not very funny. You're a horrible person for wanting to eat orphans."

Take a few minutes. Can you find the flaw? This one's pretty tough, so take your time.

Give up? Remember when I said if something is a joke, it's not serious? That means it can't be both! So if you think it's a joke, you can say it's not very funny, and if you think it's serious, you can say they are horrible for wanting to eat orphans. If you say both, you are saying it is a joke AND it's serious! See what's going on there? It can't be both. Whew! Okay, I just want you to lie down a bit and think about this one a while, maybe have a quick meal and a nap before we get started again.

Now, you're probably quite an accomplished critic by now, and you're good at seeing just what's wrong with things. Take a look at the following picture:

What's the first thing you noticed?

A. It's the Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci, the most famous painting in the world.
B. She's fat.
C. Her smile is crooked.
D. The resolution is really bad and there's a scratch near the top. I wouldn't turn it in for a first grade art project. I can give you some links to at least 10 really good paintings if you want.
E. V!agr4 chEap chEAP cHeaP goTO sup*erChEapvi4g*ra.com (reMOve the *s)

If you answered A, psh! Get out of here, you silly! This is a guide for Digg and YouTube users.

All right, guys. Now there's a little problem with always pointing out the negative things about people's work. It's a little unbalanced. Think about the short bus you ride to school every day. What if it only went one way and just dropped you off at the special school, but it didn't pick you up in the afternoon? I know you're thinking craft time all day, yay! But the teachers go home about that time too, so you'd be stuck at the school all alone. You'd have to walk home! And maybe today you didn't wear the underwear with the tag that has your address written on it.

So basically, like the bus, your comments should go both ways. If you see anything good, you should say so too.

"But I just don't like it," you might say. "There's nothing good to say!"

Well, if you have to say something bad about someone's work, try to make it constructive criticism. What does "constructive" mean? Well, let's take a look at the word. It sounds like "construction", doesn't it? That's when you build something. Like when you put together the popsicle sticks in class yesterday to make a cabin. Sure, it looked more like Lex Luthor's crystal continent from Superman Returns than a cabin, but the important thing is, you tried. And whenever someone is making something, they're trying too. Try to figure out what they're trying to do, and if you don't think they're doing a good job, what do you think they need to do in order to make it better? Where do they need to add a popsicle stick?

Let's say you watch a video called "Me And My Brother Kung Fu Fighting In The Back Yard" and to your immense disappointment, it turns out to be a guy and his brother kung fu fighting in the back yard. What do you say?

A. "Pretty cool, keep it up. It would look better on a tripod though."

B. Nothing.

C. "WTF THAT WAS CRAP, MATRIX WAS BETTER."

It looks easy, but think about it a little. Believe it or not, the answer is not C! "But I can't say A," you're probably thinking. "I haven't seen this hypothetical video but I'm sure it thoroughly sucked." Maybe so. Well, here's a shocker. B is also an option! Yes, you can actually say nothing. This is a little computer trick. You know the little "reply" button or link you can click on? If you keep your mouse away from that button and do not click on it, you will not reply. I know it's not mentioned anywhere in your iMac user manual, but it does actually work on every computer I've tried it on.

I know it's tearing you up inside not to click on that reply button. It really is an injustice in this world that someone should be able to get together with their friends and try to make a fun video without anyone telling them that they shouldn't have been born or inexplicably accusing them of being a George Bush patsy. I know, I know! The world needs to hear these things! But why does it always have to be you? Why does this thankless task always have to fall on your shoulders? You need to spend a little "you" time. Take a break. Give yourself time to fully savor the gallon of ice cream and industrial pack of Cheetos you bought for dinner. Learn to cook (see inset) or tie your shoes. You can't let your burden of responsibility take over your life. You've got to take care of yourself too. You just gotta trust that someone else will step up and tell that little girl that her dance recital video sucked and it won't be long before her parents disown her. Don't worry! Other people will carry on the work.

If you liked this article, you can find more funny stuff from Mortal Wombat at her website. Be sure to check out the articles "Editorial: Cancer is Bad" and "Marketing to the Female Gamer."