by John Cheese
June 21 - July
22
I've never seen a Cancer who wasn't a beret wearing, Starbucks drinking, poetry reading, hippie sack of shit. That's not to say that they all are this way, but the ones who aren't, aren't actually Cancers.
And that's not to say that there's anything wrong with reading or writing poetry. Ordinary, functioning people of worth read and write poetry all the time. It's just that non-Cancers know better than to enjoy it or discuss it in any setting.
Cancer fun
fact! The first goth was manufactured by a Cancer in 1987 to
draw attention away from their then-illegal herbal medicine factories.
Contrary to popular belief, Alanis Morissette is not a Cancer.
Your Future!
Sorry, but this is not the year that everyone stops laughing at you.
It's also not the year that anyone takes you seriously or considers
you even half as intelligent as you proclaim to be. Women, if you haven't
already pretended to be lesbian, you might want to think about doing
that soon, just to get that phase of your life out of the way. Men,
if you haven't already pretended to be heterosexual, you might want
to think about doing that soon, just to get that phase of your life
out of the way.
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