by John Cheese
March 21 - April 19
I'm not going to call
all Aries assholes. But, man, every last one of those guys are complete
fucking dicks. The only good thing I've ever seen an Aries do was beat
down a guy who stole an old lady's purse. But the only reason he did that
was so he could steal it from the mugger and beat the shit out of the
old lady with her own medication.
When not molesting children or thinking up new ways to make puppies yelp, you can usually find an Aries at the county jail, doing plea-bargained time for possession of meth.
Aries fun fact! The death threat was invented by an Aries in the year 1217.
Your Future!
You can definitely get away with it. You just have to make sure nobody
sees. And if they do see, you have to make sure that they aren't around
long enough to tell anyone. Your dick is not small, and by the time
you've finished your run of senseless violence, they will all know it.
In October, you will show them all. In November, they will all be sorry
they ever made fun of you. But start preparing now because romance is
right around the corner! And she must pay for her dirty, filthy sins.
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